IRON MOUNTIN MICHIGAN SUCKS! its snowin in summer like anartica or some shit and i miss WVA---believe that! the old man tole me it was either move or starve so here we are and this place aint even a real mountin just a big fuckin rock. the old mans spendin 16 hours a day pullin copper out of the ground and when hes here hes wasted out of his gord. theres only one house even close to us and the sheriff parks there at night THE FUCKIN SHERIFF! no skateparc, no fuckin BK, been eatin bolonee & pringles every day---and workin on my ozzy cross! gonna be a big mutha---neck to pubs---yeah hes gettin ink done! the old man said get a job for summer but what am i gonna do, be a miner and mess up my back and lungs? seventeen goin on fifty? fuck that. im a skin artiste, baby!
--- a (am I suppose to sign this thing??)
what up D???
maybe this place aint so bad after all. it warmed up and i saw the neighbor girl in her jeans and bikini top & nearly fell off my mountin bike. FUCKIN SHERIFFS DAUGHTER! she was standin in the middle of her yard and she stared at me all the way home like some retard but i dont think so. man i couldnt beat off fast enough but ill tell you what;you dont wanna pound off in the shower and let the hot spray get in your hole while youre spunkin---screws you up big time and then you have to slam four glasses of water just to piss and stop your membrane from stinging---guess im suppose to put dates on this thing huh? OK yesterday was tuesday june 23 and todays wednesday june 24 and im drinkin the old mans bush light and watchin this bio on A&E about monet screwin his mom and makin her pregnant or some sick shit. makes me miss my Ma---not in that way, fuckin perv, just in general. she used to make me strawberry hotcakes and let me play bridge with her and her two friends includin trina wilsons mom, the smokin hot alice wilson with the sweetest forty year old teats in charleston WVA. bridge gets a bad rap but its really a cool ass game. FUCKIN SHERIFFS DAUGHTER!!
--- the a-train (live from yooper land---they call themselves that;fuckin yoopers i shit you not)
HOLY SHIT D!!!
she called me like five minutes ago and said hey aaron like she fuckin knows me! i asked where she got my name & number & she said im the sheriffs daugther remember? i asked her her name and she said layla and I said like the clapton song and she said yeah my dad and mom were hippies but now its just me and my dad. i said your dad was a hippie and got elected sheriff? and she said are you gonna get your ass over here or what? i asked if her dad was home and she said no hes out fightin small time crime. i asked if i could bring my diary---no shit D!---and she said get your ass over here and use the cellar door---so here I go D!---so here i am and layla is as hot as i thought---and im tellin her that to her face too and shes smilin cuz she knows it---and shes got the sweetest fuckin room, the whole basement done in black and beads & now layla is firin up a bowl of ganj and im reachin up to close my jaw shut---i actually just did that D!---and im sayin YOUR DAD IS THE FUCKIN SHERIFF AND YOURE SMOKIN GANJ!!! and she says what he doesnt know wont hurt him---shit D that was some mellow shit & me and lay are kickin back watchin cribs and munchin doritos---goddam if this aint gonna be the best summer ever, hey lay?---lay says she likes my hillbilly axcent;i like yours too kid, expecially the way you say eh after every sentence and aboat instead of about like that movie fargo. was that your friend in the woodchipper?
--- flyin high again D
i couldnt sleep again so i rode my mountin bike through the alleys of iron mountin fuckin michigan and the moon was full and i did some shit in peoples houses and then i swung by seveveleven for some nachos and then i came back home and drank some more of the old mans beer. pretty tame shit D. i hope lay calls again.
--- the a-dog (oh and its sunday june 28 at 3 in the morn and theres nothin on tube except that old wild boyz where they dress up in a zebra suit and let lions attack them)
D my man,
lay wants a butterfly on her ass cheek so im gonna put this thing on her back to concentrate---DAAAMN!!!! she said the vibration made her horny AND OH FUCK IS SHE WET---im not gonna last very long shes yellin for me to hold out now but its tooooo fuckin late kid---just for the record lay doesnt mind me writin about the nasty. she says shes a writer herself and fully supports my endevors. she says the word diary is faggy and i should call it a journal but i said its kind of too late for that now. shes askin if im gonna get this thing published and i said i wasnt planning on it but she said she knows this web mag that took a kids story when he was only 18. she asks me what im gonna call it and i tell her i dont know, its just some kids diary for cryin out loud. she says her exboyfriend did her to the whole dirt cd and i tell her i love a-in-chains and lets get back to work kid---and what im doin this time is thinkin sad shit like Ma passin from breast cancer when i was a freshman---now lay is tellin me to stop writin and shes pullin my ponytail and tellin me to put my tongue in her mouth---shit im not gonna make it all the way through yall---not even close
--- here comes the rooster!!!
i rode my mountin bike for awile & ended up on this old couples living room floor at one in the morning and i could hear them snorin and their dog came over and licked me and then layed down next to me and put his head on my arm and HOLY SHIT D I FELL ASLEEP and when i woke up the old couple was standin there smilin at me like i was their long lost grandkid or some shit and i just got up and left without sayin a word and walked down their front steps on got on my mountin bike and rode home. spooky shit D.
--- the inkster
today i ran into the sheriff in his backyard and he just stood there lookin at me with his big bald head like he was gonna shoot me and then he said are you fuckin my daughter? i couldnt think fast enuff and i just said excuse me sir? and he came closer and i felt like i was gonna throw up but then he just shook his finger at me and said make sure and wear a rubber ya hear? i was so nervous i couldnt even work on lays tat and she just laughed and said her dads real edgy lately because hes havin to work late nights tryin to catch sum crafty home invader. i tole lay i would invade her & she started gigglin and then we started wrestlin and she ended up on top and hell yeah D you know what happened next.
--- the a-bomb
its been awile hey D??---well lay wants a tat on the other ass cheek but i tole her no way is she gonna get more ink until after. she said im turnin into an old man but i said relax, sall good. i got plans to open my own parlor and net some funds. gonna be a provider---believe that! im teachin lay to do ink and when shes good enough shes gonna draw a picture of Ma on my shoulder so shell always be with me. i did that for lay too even though her mom took off and i gotta say shes a bigger person than me for not hatin. anyway lay says were gonna drop the big news on the sheriff tomorow---and im gonna get it all down so the kid can read the play by play when hes old enuff---thats if the sheriff doesnt kill me for not usin that rubber yall!!
--- a;the indangered species!
no way im sleepin tonight so im bringin u along on my trip thru iron mountin fuckin michigan. im stickin to the trails by the rich peoples houses cuz the sheriff & his boys are out trollin the hoods. lay says hes been takin shit from the mayor because of the crime wave---thats the word theyre usin D, crime wave, what a joke. the worse i done is break some dudes screen door when i was boltin the house with the guy right behind me---he actually got ahold of my coller D & i thought that was it! anyway ---guess where im at now??--- in some dudes garage drinkin his ice cold hiniken from his bigass frige---a bigass frige in the garage D, whats up with these rich folk?
--- a;stylin out
okay here we are at the kitchen table waitin for the sheriff to come home and i have to admit im fuckin nervous as a hen in a horrorhouse or whatever & lay is scrachin my arm with her long black nails---fingernails are pretty;fingernails are good;seems that all they ever wanted was a marking;thats the foos yall!---okay so the sheriff is pullin up in his squad car and comin in---fuck my heart is beatin---& lay is saying dad me and aaron got somethin to tell you & now shes pausin & the sheriffs lookin at me writin this down---yer fuckin pregnant aint ya??---he just said that and now hes shakin his fists and yellin at me about bein a stupid punk which lay promised he woudnt do---so now im gonna stand up and tell him if im so stupid how come he cant catch me, the famus home invader, a fuckiní high school kid!!!--- & no matter what happens member sall good & peace out yall---
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