Congratulations on your impending nuptial
with the community pool jet pump. I hear
it likes to get freaky with extension cords;
I can already smell the awwwww yeahs
simmering from the future.

When the honeymoon ends, and you awake
alone with the sheets soaked in soured chlorine
and no note, what will you do?

Forget your parents. To them, you are
a panhandler's sense of entitlement.
They would only take you back if you swore
to stop making counterfeit promises.

You can profit off your own heartbreak
for once. I hear mermen pay your weight
in rubies for a healthy prostate.

Cheers to you. May your failures
slip rohypnol into your Hpnotiq
when you least expect it
and ravage you the way you wished
sincerity would ravage you.