The first time the phone rang, Carol Coreman yelled to Harvey, who was loaded on Vicodin, fighting consciousness and watching CNN’s coverage of the day’s news. Nancy Grace was dissecting each part of Dr. Waggoneer's arraignment, the surgeon who had performed Harvey’s vasectomy.
It rang again. Riiiiing! Waggoneer smiled at him from the television as Harvey’s scrotum felt heavy enough to sink completely through the mattress. “Harr-are-veeeeey!” Carol cried. She was losing a battle with a baby penguin, unable to towel dry the bathroom floor fast enough while the penguin finned water out of their bathtub. The penguin squeaked with delight. Harvey squeezed his testicles. Hadn’t they fixed this?
Timmy enjoyed the field trip so much he brought the baby penguin home from the aquarium in his backpack. He really wanted a baby brother. “Timmy! Throw it some fish!” Carol called as the penguin escaped and waddled up the hall. Timmy held out some frozen fish sticks but the penguin wouldn’t head back in the direction of the bathroom. Carol ran, sliding on the right edge of her deck shoes like an out-of-control ice skater using the wall as a rink’s boards to stop. “Damn it Timmy! Do something!” Two weeks after mom and dad gave him the bad news, "No more kids", Timmy certainly had done something.
Waggoneer had done something too. It wasn’t until Harvey and Carol tried the missionary position the first time that they realized what he did. They both agreed they didn’t want any more children, but Harvey never consented to a squeaker implant. The pain killer blocked the anger and turned everything into a cloudless blue sky. He saw Waggoneer up there in white scrubs singing, “Take a little snip, take a little snip with me.” Waggoneer winked. Riiiiing...Riiiiing went the phone.
“Competency will be an issue,” Nancy Grace announced as Harvey snored. “Any doctor who is surgically inserting small squeakers into men’s sacks is more than a bit nuts." The penguin tried to hide in the dog's water bowl. "Next up on Anderson Cooper... Does anyone out there recognize this six year old boy caught on tape stealing a penguin from the New England Aquarium?”
Riiiiing...Riiiiing...Riiiiing was now constant as was the new rapping at the Coreman's front door.
It rang again. Riiiiing! Waggoneer smiled at him from the television as Harvey’s scrotum felt heavy enough to sink completely through the mattress. “Harr-are-veeeeey!” Carol cried. She was losing a battle with a baby penguin, unable to towel dry the bathroom floor fast enough while the penguin finned water out of their bathtub. The penguin squeaked with delight. Harvey squeezed his testicles. Hadn’t they fixed this?
Timmy enjoyed the field trip so much he brought the baby penguin home from the aquarium in his backpack. He really wanted a baby brother. “Timmy! Throw it some fish!” Carol called as the penguin escaped and waddled up the hall. Timmy held out some frozen fish sticks but the penguin wouldn’t head back in the direction of the bathroom. Carol ran, sliding on the right edge of her deck shoes like an out-of-control ice skater using the wall as a rink’s boards to stop. “Damn it Timmy! Do something!” Two weeks after mom and dad gave him the bad news, "No more kids", Timmy certainly had done something.
Waggoneer had done something too. It wasn’t until Harvey and Carol tried the missionary position the first time that they realized what he did. They both agreed they didn’t want any more children, but Harvey never consented to a squeaker implant. The pain killer blocked the anger and turned everything into a cloudless blue sky. He saw Waggoneer up there in white scrubs singing, “Take a little snip, take a little snip with me.” Waggoneer winked. Riiiiing...Riiiiing went the phone.
“Competency will be an issue,” Nancy Grace announced as Harvey snored. “Any doctor who is surgically inserting small squeakers into men’s sacks is more than a bit nuts." The penguin tried to hide in the dog's water bowl. "Next up on Anderson Cooper... Does anyone out there recognize this six year old boy caught on tape stealing a penguin from the New England Aquarium?”
Riiiiing...Riiiiing...Riiiiing was now constant as was the new rapping at the Coreman's front door.
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